I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. Not only my own, but those of others and how I can help make them stronger. I’ve been observing interactions between spouses and how they impact one another. Behavior within a marriage can be inspirational and help to build each other up or it can be destructive and tear each other down.
I am fortunate to be part of a marriage full of inspiration and growth, but that doesn’t mean it is always completely without effort. We have had moments through the years where one of us has needed extra encouragement and love from the other. I will say that the majority of those moments are my poor husband having to give me that extra attention. I’m definitely a lot more high-maintenance than he is. He is generally the one who can take it all in stride and not let the world drag him down while I get wrapped up in current events and take every attack on Law Enforcement personally. I always say that he’s my fiercest protector, but I think I may actually be his as well. When I get upset about something in the news or on social media, my hubby gently reminds me that it will be okay and even though it stinks, it is not currently affecting our lives. At first, I may get mad at him for not validating my sadness and outrage, but eventually I realize that he is right and God doesn’t want us to dwell on the darkness.
This doesn’t mean there aren’t times that my LEO needs my encouragement. This week was tough on him. All of the current events were weighing him down. He was sick. Night-shift and winter have been affecting his mood as well. We were talking one evening and he expressed how hopeless our world feels right now. He’s been letting the crime surges and LE deaths get to him. He is worried about the future our children will have. I told him that I get it, but like he always tells me, “It’s going to be okay.” I encouraged him to find the good and trust in God. Mostly, I listened. I let him vent and express his frustration. I knew I couldn’t fix it, but I could encourage him the way he does for me so often. And while I didn’t necessarily solve his problems, I could see that he felt a little lighter after I encouraged him.
This has not always been something that I was very good at. When my husband would get down or feel weak, I would struggle. My big, strong man wasn’t supposed to have doubts or fears. Admittedly, I still have moments of paralysis when this happens, but through the years, I have realized that it’s not always his job to be the strong one. Sometimes, I have to suck it up and be the voice of reason. Coming to terms with this has actually impacted me positively and I’ve been able to face adversity with a little more strength.
At the end of the day, it’s vital to remember that there will be stormy seasons in every relationship. How you choose to weather the storms will make all the difference in the outcome. There may be times in which you feel like you are giving 80% while your LEO is only giving 20%. It's easy to become resentful and frustrated, but I would encourage you to step back and remember the times throughout your relationship that your LEO has given the 80%. Reframing your perspective can change the outcome of the stormy times.
l Michelle l