My husband and I have been on the Law Enforcement journey for several years now. We are somewhere in between rookie and seasoned. At the ripe old age of 32, in May of 2016, he looked at me and said, “I think I want to go to school for Criminal Justice.” We owned a successful small business at the time, but somehow, this move made even more sense. Naturally, neither one of us had any clue what we were about to get ourselves into. He applied to college and was accepted. As the summer wore on, we began to prepare mentally for some big changes. And then on July 7, 2016, 12 Dallas Police Officers were wounded in an ambush-style shooting. 5 of those Officers were killed. This event rocked the nation. I remember looking at my husband and doubting his choice for the first time. I asked him, “Are you sure you still want to do this?” His answer? “Now more than ever.”
That was probably the moment I realized what we were about to embark on. I tried to comfort myself with the fact that we live in a very safe part of the country, and he would never likely encounter a tragedy of that nature here. By the fall, my husband was starting his classes and we were getting into a routine. I was fully convinced that he was making the right decision and everything would be okay until our area was hit with an ambush-style killing of a Deputy. Our communities mourned, and my husband’s resolve to follow his calling became even stronger. I wish that I could say mine was just as strong, but I was once again questioning it all.
I witnessed my husband work harder than I have ever seen him work. He studied and persevered until he graduated college with honors and then completed the LE Academy with high accolades. My pride became stronger than my fear for him, and acceptance of what was about to happen set in. The day I pinned his badge on was honestly one of my favorite life-moments.
The hateful rhetoric towards Law Enforcement certainly has not gotten better since we began this journey. Since May of 2020, it has spiraled out of control. Our nation has seen violent acts against our LEOS sky-rocket. We have an all out war on police happening right now. I have lost count of the number of LEOS who have been shot or injured in the line-of-duty since the beginning of 2022. Upwards of 24 have been shot in the past few days across the nation. We are all exhausted and battered right now. We are mourning those lost and praying for those injured. We, as LEOWS/significant others, are weary and wondering if society really deserves our LEOS. We are tired of being silent and well-behaved. We are seeing the battle being dropped on our doorsteps, but we are also poised to fight.
I know that I am stronger now than I was 6 years ago. I no longer feel timid and uncertain. I also feel even more pride for my husband today than I did the day he started. I actually worry less about him now than I did a couple of years ago. Why? Because I have accepted that this is the path that God chose for us. I have learned a lot about faith and courage over the past few years. The truth is, when God decides to call us home there is nothing we can do to change that. We have to learn to accept that. I know, should my husband pay the ultimate price while on-duty, it will be done doing what he loves and has been called to do. My heart would shatter into a million pieces, but I would rather see him sacrifice for what’s right than die doing something that he hated. Giving these fears and worries to God has given me peace when chaos is swirling all around. I can’t stress to you enough why this is so important when walking through this life. Understanding that God has a plan and has already fought the battles in front of us has given me the armor I need to let go of the hate and be the light in a dark place. This does not mean that anger doesn’t creep in sometimes, after all, I am only human, but it does mean that I can deal with it in a more positive way.
I will leave you with this Bible verse:
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” Ephesians 6:10-11
l Michelle l