I have been doing a lot of research and learning about trauma and its effect on people. I am by no means a professional in the mental health field, but I want to be informed about it so I can know the warning signs of failing mental health, should my LEO or someone close to me exhibit them. In doing my research, I have learned a lot. Have you heard about secondary traumatic stress? According to Wikipedia, “Secondary trauma can be incurred when an individual is exposed to people who have been traumatized themselves, disturbing descriptions of traumatic events by a survivor, or others inflicting cruelty on one another. Symptoms of secondary trauma are similar to those of PTSD.” It is very real and can have lasting effects on a person. We are very well aware of the traumas that our LEOS may encounter while on-duty, but those traumas may also inadvertently be passed on to us as the spouses/significant others. In speaking with other LEOWS/significant others, I have a feeling this is a more common occurrence than we realize.
Most of us do our best to listen and be there for our LEOS when they need us. We hear the stories and recounts of their calls and assume that because we are not seeing these things first-hand that we are unaffected by them. That may not always be the case. It may be affecting us negatively.
I know that I personally started to become more distrusting of society as a whole after my husband started in law enforcement. While I realize that this is probably common and understandable to some degree, I found myself starting to feel like there are more bad people than good in the community. I realized that I was avoiding certain places out of fear that I would encounter criminals. I knew this was not a healthy outlook, and after doing my research I finally understood why I felt this way. While trying to help keep my LEO mentally healthy, I found that I needed to do the same for myself.
After I learned that this was likely the reason I felt so distrustful, I was able to change my perspective a little. My husband and I talked about it and he reminded me that the general rule is that LE only deals with 10% of the public 90% of the time. I’m a numbers person so that gives me comfort knowing that, on average, 90% of the population is inherently good. My daily encounters are likely going to be with good, well-meaning human beings. This discussion and reminder was enough to help me get past my own version of secondary trauma, but that doesn't mean you won’t need more help.
I can’t stress enough to you as LEO spouses or significant others, how important it is for you to pay attention to your own mental health. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our LEO and looking for signs they might be struggling that we miss our own signals. Try to pay attention to your own mental health meter. Watch your own habits and analyze your own thoughts from time to time.
Between secondary trauma and the everyday stress of managing the home and family with a husband or significant other who works crazy hours, long shifts and never-ending OT, it’s easy to board the struggle bus ourselves some days. Be kind to yourself and learn to identify when you need help. Take time to do a little research about traumas, and most importantly, if you are struggling on your own, get help. Find a friend, a peer, or a professional to talk to. Your mental health is just as important as your spouse or significant other’s. And most importantly, know that you are never alone.
l Michelle l