Living the Police Wife Life is certainly unique. Unique in the fact that our husbands have multiple loves…because their careers are generally not just a job, but a life-long love. A true calling. An irreplaceable part of their identity. A camaraderie, a brotherhood, a uniquely bonded family that we (their actual family) often feel left out of. We’re on the outskirts and, if not careful, we wives can end up feeling a little lost. Unsure of where we rank on this list of Blue priorities. I’m here to say that these feelings of conflict, isolation, and insecurity are quite common and normal in this life.
I don’t know a single police wife that hasn’t walked this walk and felt these feelings. You’re amongst sisters here who can firmly validate you. However, I’m also here to say that I see a lot of marital behaviors that we should not accept as normal. Police marriages are challenging, sure, and as married partners, both spouses have duties to the other. As wives, it is our job to respect, support, and encourage our husbands so they can thrive as they develop their law enforcement identity. We must choose to be selfless time and time again, picking up the slack when they cannot be present, and showing grace in moments when we would rather be resentful. They need support from home to truly be successful. Being a police wife means understanding the sacrifice, the commitment, and the duty that sometimes puts our personal lives on hold at inconvenient moments.
Now for the fun part ladies, let me grab my megaphone: YOUR MEN ARE NOT EXCUSED FROM THEIR ROLES AT HOME! Being a cop does not dismiss the fact that these men should first be a husband, a father, a loving partner. I know being a rookie cop comes with an overwhelming addiction to the lifestyle. I know the adrenaline highs can be irresistible. I know the job is often way more exciting than the routine of family life. I know there are extremely hard factors like PTSD, shift hours, endless amounts of trauma, and a million other things…but none of this serves as a reasonable excuse for families to be left behind and continually neglected.
As a wife, it is reasonable to expect help around the home, support with the children, and to be seen, validated, and nurtured. Yes, life long marital commitment does require each partner to do more sacrificing at various moments along the way….but neither partner should be sacrificing 100% of the time. It’s about balance, a give and take, with both partners striving to give whenever possible. That’s all. I just wanted to say this loudly and clearly. Be a reasonable, graceful spouse. But don’t forget that you deserve a present, loving, supportive spouse in return. It’s not unreasonable to expect this, even in this crazy, unpredictable Blue life. Y’all are rockstars, and the backbone that keeps everything going. Behind every strong, healthy LEO is a wife who’s managing the hectic schedule and challenging him to be the best version of himself.
l Alyssa B. l