My story starts out like a fairy tale. I had just broken my engagement off with my son’s father, and for the first time felt really FREE. I was enjoying a girl’s night out at a local honkey-tonk. I knew Mike from the bar that I was a bartender at a few years prior. When he came up to me, and asked me to dance, I said “no, but I know you”, and reminded him who I was. He and I spent the next couple hours talking, and after that night I knew my freedom was in trouble. I was smitten. The next couple of months were a whirl wind.
Mike and I fell hard and FAST. He was AMAZING with my son (who was 3 at the time), my parents loved him, and gosh he was HOT. He was also the POLAR opposite of my son’s bio dad. He proposed a year later, and I had my DREAM wedding 2 years later. Things were good for a couple years, but there were signs. He would often go out, and not answer the phone/texts when I called. I worried about him CONSTANTLY, but I adjusted. We fought. We made up. We fought again. The cycle was LEGIT.
We started trying to get pregnant immediately after we got married. I wanted our baby and my son to be as close in age as possible. This added an additional strain, but kept us occupied and allowed for more excuses to be made for him. We finally got pregnant a year later. And, then things were GREAT for a while. He was moved to UC Narcotics, and LOVED his job. I felt like my fairy tale was back on track.
Fast forward 17 weeks. Went in for an ultrasound, only to find out something was VERY wrong with our baby. VERY, VERY wrong. The next few weeks felt like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. We said goodbye to our sweet, precious angel at 24 weeks. The son we prayed our and begged God to let us keep. I did really well the first couple days. We were sad, but we did ok. I remember very clearly day 5. I got into the shower, and a light switch SWITCHED. I started screaming for Mike to get me my pump. I needed to feed our baby. I was in complete breakdown, psychotic mode. Let me tell you. If you’ve ever experienced something like this, you will be FOREVER changed.
Mike had to take a leave of absence. He had to remove ALL weapons/objects out of our house. I had to have COMPLETE 24/7 supervision. I belonged in a hospital, but I had an amazing OB, who allowed Mike to watch me at home. I started medication, and he had to bring me to her office every day at 5 so that she could check my progress. I only spent a week in that scary place, but it felt like a lifetime. Once the medicine started working, the dark fog was lifted. If you’ve ever come out of a scary depression, the world becomes BEAUTIFUL. The grass, birds, all the things.
Back to my fairy tale life. It was coming out of that episode that I became completely devoted to my husband. He was my hero during that. He not only lost his son, but he almost lost his wife. I had so much guilt related to what I put him through. I started to idolize him. Truly. He became a god to me. And, boy did he exploit that. He loved having no consequences for actions. We found out we were pregnant almost immediately. Lost our son in October; pregnant in December. I was in NO way ready to be pregnant again. I had to see a high-risk OB weekly throughout my pregnancy. I didn’t bond with my daughter until I was released by the OB. It was a really TOUGH pregnancy emotionally.
March of 2009 was our son’s due date. I was 5 months pregnant with our daughter, and still trying to heal from the loss of our son. Mike decided that he would go on a guy’s fishing trip that week. I was alone and he was “dealing with the loss” in his own way.
Mid-way through that trip, I was awakened by a phone call from one of his friends. “Mike’s been arrested for a DWI. He needs a lawyer”.
The shock, fear, and utter terror that followed is something I pray I never have to endure again. We grew closer during that time. We became “Team Ford”, and we fought. The charges were eventually dropped, and our fairy tale returned. For a while.
We welcomed our daughter 3 weeks early, and 10 months TO THE DAY we lost her brother. Things were AMAZING for a couple of years. Looking back, I guess I always knew he was potentially cheating, but I never had proof until August 2016. The kids and I went on a trip, and he stayed home, but off work. We owned a boat at the time, and he spent the week on the lake with our friends. I came home to a SPOTLESS house, and him ALL OVER ME. That was my first indication that something was not right. I went to a girl’s dinner a couple nights later and one of my friends that was there was acting SO weird. Like crazy weird. She wouldn’t talk to me, she was obviously annoyed and I couldn’t figure out what her problem was. The next weekend the kids and I went to a birthday party, and this same friend was WORSE this time than before. At one point she was nowhere to be found, and her young son was crying for her. I scooped him up (like I had done a million times), and we were playing in the pool. Next thing I know, she is yanking him out of my arms, and storming off. I’m legit dumbfounded. It bothered me so much that I sent her a text later apologizing to her. Yes. I APOLOGIZED to HER. For what, I wasn’t sure, but apologized for anything I did that possibly upset her. She sent back a text telling me it wasn’t me. She was fighting with her boyfriend, and it was all good between us.
Back to my fairy tale. But not really. Something told me to go check our phone records. I did—and started looking up every number he called. There was one that was on there OVER and OVER. I decide to call it. I type in the number and “her name” popped up. Wait-what?! Why would my friend be calling him at all hours of the day/night?! Then it all clicked. I was not only betrayed by my husband, but also my friend. Mike wasn’t home at the time for me to confront him. He was replacing his tires. Something told me to check out our favorite bar. So I did. Sure enough, they were both there.
I parked and went inside. That ended with him scared to death, and her getting a vodka-water thrown in her face. He came home that night and said “I guess I’ll leave”. I absolutely refused that notion. We had been through SO much!! It was time for “TEAM FORD”. That is what we knew. The next few months were AWFUL. I caught them continuing to talk. I saw him say things to her that he had never said to me. She threatened she was pregnant. She threatened to kill herself. She told him she would ruin his career because she had proof he was meeting her on duty. It was a NIGHTMARE.
He and I slowly got back to a new normal for us. We were doing ok...or so I thought. December 26th, 2016, EVERYTHING changed.
He asked me to meet him at our favorite bar. I got so excited! Yes! A day date with my man!! I don’t remember much about that day, other than he kept feeding me shots, and I don’t normally take shots. One minute I’m taking a shot, and the next, EMS is there waking me up. I have no idea how I got to my car, but I PRAISE God that I didn’t drive. Mike was asking EMS to take me in, and they didn’t want to. They told him with our careers being a cop and nurse, just to get me home. So, Mike got me home, but was clearly angry. We get home, and he point-blank looks at me and says “I’m sleeping with every girl at that bar; and I’m going to continue to do so”. I slapped him. Immediately regretted it, but he called 911.
Now, mind you, he’s 6’5, and a trained killer. I am 5’4 WITH heels. The police officers arrive and find all of this obnoxious and ridiculous. I am asked to leave for the night. What ends up happening is that he and I are both Victim 1/Suspect 1, and Victim 2/Suspect 2.
I get home the next morning and ask him to leave. He did. Three days later Mike was put on administrative leave pending a DV investigation. He called and begged me to have his side when Internal Affairs called. I was called into an interview and I went. COMPLETELY threw myself under the bus for him. Made myself look like a monster to save him. Didn’t help him though. Mike was a Lieutenant at the time, and he was ON CALL that night. Looking back, I know he would never have the courage to leave me...and I was set up that night. Had I gone to the hospital OR jail, that would have given him the story “I had no choice but to leave”.
Even after that, I still loved him, and wanted to make us work. We started to reconnect. I was seeing a Christian counselor three times a week. I knew God was the center of my life, so I just let go and allowed God to move.
March of 2017 mike came home. OH HAPPY DAY🏼🏼. I cooked. I cleaned. I offered myself sexually every night. Things were GOOD! Back to my fairy tale! But, just like in times before, it was short lived. Mike was asleep and his Facebook messenger dinged. Facebook was the devil and how I saw most of the gross things related to his first affair. I got his phone and it was from another woman. I woke him up, and asked who she was and why was she in his inbox. He came UNGLUED. Told me she worked with him, and she was inquiring about an officer who had recently passed. I felt AWFUL. I knew the officer he was referring to. I had just, that day, taken dinner to his widow. Little did I know how right I was to be alarmed with this woman.
Our 10-year wedding anniversary was May 2017. He didn’t come home on time, and had nothing in his hands, as far as even a card. That was my straw. I told him that either we go to counseling together or I could no longer live this way. He told me to jump in the lake, and moved out a month later. It was about a month into our separation that my daughter comes home and tells me all about a girl. She teaches kindergarten and is really nice. I was a little confused. See, at this point, we were still intimate. I am not sure why; but it felt “right”. I go on a mission to find out who this “girl” is and I confront my husband about her and he tells me that she is a kindergarten teacher in a neighboring district. I have friends in that district. I find out he’s full of crap. The truth always comes to light though. My sister-in-law accidentally tells me that his girlfriend is a cop that he works with. I immediately think back to the other woman. Put two-and-two together and find out that he’s sleeping with his subordinate and allowed her to meet our daughter under an alias. Can you say crushed? Angry? All the things? I do more digging and find out that the affair started in October 2016, and she was likely the reason that he set me up in December. Basically, he cheated on not only me, but mistress number 1.
At that point, everything made sense, and surprisingly I was ok. I told everyone that would listen about the relationship. His dirty secret caught up with him a year after our domestic and he was yanked from patrol and moved to booking at the jail. Karma allowed me to bask in her glory for that...
Meanwhile, I think it’s perfectly fine for me to start dating...I had allllllll the apps...tinder, bumble, POF, match...all of them. The attention was AWESOME, but that all changed the day another man walked into my life. I never could have DREAMED God would give me a man like this. He is patient with me (I’m a bit of a hot mess) and he is gentle. He loves my kids. He is an AMAZING steward of finances; something I never had. Mike’s money was his, and his alone. I laid awake MANY nights worrying about how we would make ends meet. This man LOVES me with his whole heart. I know that he would never betray my trust, and that says a lot considering...
I still believe in marriage. I still believe that marriages can be saved. I still advocate for working on your marriage. I still believe you have to EARN your way out of a marriage. You have to FIGHT until you know in your heart you did all you could.
I still grieve my marriage, but I know that I fought all I could.
More than all of that, I KNOW, and am living proof that BEAUTY rises from ashes. I am a better person because of what I went through. I take NONE of my trials for granted.
My story is painful. But, it’s beautiful. And, I’m grateful God gave this life to me.