Fighting Complacency: The Marriage Killer

Google defines complacency as: feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements.

Synonyms: smugness, self-satisfaction, self-approval, self-approbation, self-admiration, self-congratulation, self-regard; More gloating, triumph, pride; satisfaction, contentment; carelessness, slackness, laxity, laxness, laziness

But, in a relationship or marriage, complacency can be brutal and deadly. All too often, we find ourselves becoming too comfortable in our marriage that we stop doing the things we did originally in order to keep our spouse happy and feeling loved. It could be little things such as random sweet or inspirational text messages to just because gifts. We all are guilty of getting caught up in the flow of life and forgetting the little things we did in the beginning that attracted our spouse to us.

It seems these days that complacency is a huge problem in relationships. Most don’t see it because it disguises itself in the form of contentedness and comfort-ability.  Complacency can be the beginning of the end so to speak... You find yourself only doing enough to maintain what you have with your partner, and you’re not pushing yourself or your relationship to become better or stronger and doing the tiny things you did in the beginning. 

Eventually, this will leave your partner feeling as if they aren’t loved or getting the attention they need or deserve even when that isn’t the case. In Law Enforcement Families this is easiest to do, due to the stress and hectic schedule you face daily. 

In my marriage, my husband and I recognize complacency to be a huge killer of marriages and have vowed to never allow it to sneak up on us. With my husbands job, I’ve always felt as if it was my duty to make sure home and in my arms was his peace. With that being said, here’s a few ideas to be sure you don’t fall into the rut of complacency: 

1. Make time to be Grateful- Daily or at least weekly, find ways or words to express to your LEO how much you love them and are thankful to have them in your life. Point out the characteristics they posses that make you happy or smile. 

2. Practice Empathy- Think about what your partner wants and why and how you can give love in a way that [they] want to receive it. 

3. Hold Hands- As simple as it may sound, holding hands while sitting together or while in public, gives a sense of connection. 

4. Household Chores- Many Wives do not agree with this however this is a no brainer for myself... I know how amazing it feels to come home to a clean house, clean laundry and dinner cooked. Therefore, I try to reciprocate that for my LEO. After his super stressful and hectic day, I strive every single day to be sure that all he has to do is come home to myself and our family. This can give him a sense of peace that I spoke of earlier as well. 

5. Spice Things Up In The Bedroom- it is pretty common for couples who have been together for a period of time to lose that va va voom in the bedroom.  This allows the passion to fade and for things to become “bland” in the bedroom. Change things up, reignite that spark! Talk about things, add some passion some role play, some fantasies (within reason) 

6. Put the phones down- Many couples come home and crawl in the bed only to pick up theirs phones and basically ignore each other. This can cause a physical disconnection with your partner... Take the time to put the phone down and ask your partner question such as how their day was, how they are feeling and talk about things going on in your lives. 

With all of this being said, you don't have to do all of these suggestions every day but adding a few in here and there can keep your relationship from becoming complacent and making your partner happy, all while preserving the connection you have as a couple.  

Much love ladies 

-Kelly Parks