“Your husband is a cop? That must suck!”
I hear it everyday. No, it doesn’t bother me anymore. The thing is - it does suck. But it would suck more if I worried. If I spent hours on end fabricating stories of what if’s and counting the minutes since I last heard from him. It would suck more if I didn’t have faith. It would suck more if I didn’t trust the guys on his shift to have his back.
In today’s world trust me, I have so much to worry about. There were 148 LEO deaths in 2018 and so far this year there’s already been 6. Those stats are pretty pathetic. They’re pitiful. They’re gut wrenchingly painful to think about.
Every morning I have to kiss my husband goodbye after he suits up in his uniform and goes in service. I watch him kiss our 5 month old goodbye and tell him to “have a good day buddy. Daddy loves you”. In my heart I do my best to not think about the what if’s. But on the bad days, the what if’s cloud my memory. They consume my mind all day. I think “what if that’s the last kiss he gives our baby?” “What if I don’t get another hug at the end of this shift”. I’d lose my mind if I thought about these things constantly. But Id be lying if I said I didn’t lay awake some nights with these terrible thoughts creeping back up.
I’ll be honest, the media makes it worse. The media broadcasts things before families even have a chance to find out & process what’s happened. The media is so insensitive to such sensitive matters. They try and make it better by saying “our hearts go out to the family of....”. No. Your heart doesn’t go anywhere. You just posted about an officer who was shot and you’ve got an entire shift worth of spouses who can’t get ahold of their LEOs wondering if it was their own! Wondering if their husband, wife, father or mother is coming home tonight. The sad thing is, when I can’t get ahold of my LEO for hours on end, the first thing I do is check our local news station. Because they’ll be the first to know. Then they’ll have “live coverage” which is really just 35+ vehicles with lights flashing, 14 or so EMS and a handful of fire trucks, with no other information leaving every spouse to worry until they get a call that they’re LEO is safe. It’s absolutely heartbreaking that this is the world we live in, that families don’t get a chance to process anything before media takes over.
The truth is, our days are numbered. The same God that knows the hairs on my head, has already numbered my husbands days. He numbered them before he was born. This entire world is dangerous. He could be hurt or taken from me doing many other things. If I spent all of my time worrying about what could be, I would lose my sanity.
So yes, it does suck. But it doesn’t suck because my significant other is a LEO, it sucks because we have to worry that they might not make it home. I have to worry that I may get a knock on my door with devastating news. It sucks because people are in such a hurry they don’t slow down and move over to avoid hitting an officer. It sucks that they’re targeted, while trying to serve others. It SUCKS that they’re in this profession to HELP but they wind up HURT!
Brittany Harakas - SC LEOW