“Blue Marriage Heartbreak”
This year we are going to tackle some uncomfortable topics, but as a community, these conversations are necessary to discuss so that we can improve on them. One of the biggest complaints the public has is how we try to “cover up for our own”. In some respects, I agree, enough is enough on the silence for these important issues.
One of the most prevalent problems we’re facing within the blue community is infidelity. This “epidemic” is running rampant in our community and it is completely and totally unacceptable to be looking the other way anymore. This problem is literally shattering and tearing families apart left and right. Families that are already struggling with every other issue we face daily.
I scratch my head at why this is not dealt with more severely within departments upon discovery, because it is usually between coworkers or dispatchers. Now I’m going to warn you, this is where you will start to squirm. Very rarely is an affair taking place with someone not affiliated with the profession. Not only does this reflect poorly on the officer and their decision making, it’s an embarrassment for the honorable officers who have integrity. It is a deliberate smear to the face of their profession that is already severely scrutinized. Not only that, but if an officer is willing to be deceptive, to lie and deceive their spouse and family for an indefinite amount of time, what else will they cover up and lie about? This is a character problem, which is why you think departments would care more.
To speak directly to these officers contemplating or who are already involved in an affair….no man or woman is worth the fallout of what will occur after your affair. It’s never worth it, and yet you’re left with a destroyed family that you created yourself. Is it worth having everyone question your integrity for the rest of your career? (Or your life, for that matter.) It's embarrassing and it’s downright shameful. No matter your marriage situation, no one EVER deserves to be disrespected in this way. Especially doing this to someone who has your back when no one else does. How can you hurt the one person, who has no doubt sacrificed everything, including their own happiness, for you? This is by far the most humiliating thing you could ever do to your spouse, the person you vowed to cherish and uplift for the rest of your life.
To the ladies having affairs with taken officers, who we so lovingly refer to as “badge bunnies”, step off. Think about the families you are destroying, the children who now have parents in chaos because you find it fun to hunt for sport. You are merely fulfilling your own desires and feeding your overblown egos. You are part of the problem, and you should feel ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted with yourself. If you are a cop as well, you give good female cops a bad name in a male dominated force that already has its own set of challenges. Tread carefully, because one day that wife on the other side of this might be you.
Now let’s talk about why this occurs. I highly doubt that people go into an affair with the intention of hurting anyone. In this profession you encounter many catastrophic events. Be especially vigilant after facing one because statistically you are more likely to start searching for ways to cope. After something life altering, you will search for anything that brings you happiness, and it can be a very slow fade. Departments are a huge part of this problem, because a grand majority of them do not provide adequate counseling, (which is usually peer, and not professional) and their advice can be downright horrible. If you experience a tragedy, TALK about it, don’t shut your spouse out. Seek professional help immediately, because most departments do not prioritize their officer’s mental health and well-being.
When you put on that uniform, you represent more than just yourself. So, step back and ask yourself if having an affair and destroying your life and family is worth it. If it is, then your spouse deserves better than you, and you probably chose the wrong profession.
*Edit* a divorce statistic has been deleted, due to an opinion that it is false. I've deleted it so it doesn't further distract from the material in this post.